In August 2015 I lost everything in my life that I loved and cherished because of bad decisions I had made. I have only myself to blame, I chose the path I took. I chose to ignore the messages I was being sent regularly by God. Well I would strongly suggest that if you are getting messages from God that you pay attention to them. When God has had enough of our nonsense He will put you to your knees. That is where I found myself, completely lost, alone and confused.
At this point in my life I had nothing left, I was scared for what was coming next and completely hopeless. I could not see a way to make anything better, I had absolutely no control over my existence. This came as a large shock to a very large control freak. I decided that I had to leave my life behind, so I moved to Texas.
During the 1800 mile road trip I had nothing to do but think and pray for guidance. I had not been a very religious person in my life but I did know the only way to get answers and direction was through prayer. I found a Christian radio station and really began to listen to the message in the music. I found my heart beginning to open to God. One of the messages that God had been sending me was to go back to church and He even had a church picked out for me. But remember I ignored the message.
One of the first things I did when I got to Texas was to find a church and a pastor to talk to. I was in Texas, alone for the first time in my life, scared and completely lost. God was about to work in my life in ways I could never had imagined.
Looking back I think the first thing I had to learn was to be alone. Not completely alone because I was discovering Jesus. I had to begin to have a relationship with Jesus to begin the healing process. This was extremely difficult for me, I had always been active in my community and surrounded by people. Now I knew nobody, I had zero friends. Jesus became my focus.
Over time and much prayer I began to understand that Jesus had forgiven me, loved me, and wanted me to be alright. The hardest part was to learn to trust and let go of the fears. I still struggle with the trust part but I am much better at it. I began to realize that I was changing, my old demons were no longer prevalent in my life. Do I believe in miracles, I didn’t but I do now. Jesus was recreating me each and every day. I continued to pray and to read the bible every day.
When I needed a job, I was lead to one. When I needed money, it showed up. When I needed good people in my life, they appeared. I was no longer in control, and about time. My life in my control was a train wreck. My life in Jesus’s hands was evolving each and every day. I was becoming a completely different person.
Today I am far from where I hope to be but I understand that my future is not in my control and when Jesus sends me a message I very much listen. I put my efforts where He sends me. I am more at peace than I was and I do believe I have a future.
I wrote this for me, and you that may be in the same place I was. You have hit bottom and need to focus on Jesus and walk where He sends you. Life is a process and being recreated by Jesus is an awesome prospect for anyone that is at their end.
I have a lot to still do and I have many regrets but I am walking forward and not dwelling on history. I am learning to live in the moment and finally, I have hope.